"Scripture power, keeps me safe from sin. Scripture power is the power to win. Scripture power, every day I need, the power that I get each time I read." I got really busy with school at the end of the semester. I had been doing well with scripture study and then around that time, I stopped. It's really just an excuse, being busy with school. The problem is, I didn't start reading again. I've also been going to the casino and gambling (not very often). I go because I get bored. Not good combinations because it drives away the spirit. So, the temptations come.
Two weeks ago, I had a slip with masturbation. Then again today. I don't even know what to do. I feel like I should feel worse. It doesn't help that I don't like going to church. I know the church is true, I just hate going. This isn't recent and I've felt this way for awhile (even when I'm doing everything that I should and I feel the spirit-I still don't enjoy going to church on Sundays). I just feel like my life has no direction. I've been blessed in my life with educational and other opportunities. I don't lack for my physical needs. I'm healthy, I have a good job…I just feel like I have no direction. It's not that I don't have goals for my life.
I have goals and I work towards them. But in the end, I feel like I'm lacking in an area that I feel I have little control over…having an eternal family of my own. I feel so frustrated. I was going to talk to my bishop and I was willing to, but I felt that it was okay not to. Now, I don't know. I'm not sure how he can help me. Even when I'm doing everything that I need to do, I still feel this frustration and I feel alone. So, I'm trying to figure out what to do. I know that I need to pray. I know that I need to stay away from gambling as it's a huge trigger for me. And I know that I need the power that the scriptures can offer.
